Saturday, June 09, 2007


I'm currently reading a book about relationships gone wrong. It's the type of book that I'd never read unless it was written by my favourite writer...and it is, so there you go.

To start off, she was writting about how the education we receive from our parents and society affects our relationships and she mentioned the western myth of eternal love. It's common in our society to seek a relationship with someone else that is entirely fulfilling and lasts forever. She says that in China, for instance, the expression of loving someone is only used between mother and child, whilst between husband and wife there is "affection". (that's what she says but she's been known for saying goofy things).

It seems that over here we tend to forget that passion ends (I need to be reminded of this myself, maybe I should get a post-it stuck in my desk saying passion ends!), that what comes after that can be wonderful but needs a lot of work put into it. People don't want to work on it, they want everything there and then. And sometimes we don't understand that break-ups and separations can be the best thing that's ever happened to us, but no, we talked about "failed marriages" and "broken hearts". And to make matters worse, living in this increasingly individualistic world, where the societal values have failed and we have little references everywhere we go, these romantic relationships are even more sought for, more essential for one's sense of worth.

This made me think (not too much because I was sleepy when I read it, but this is important!) And I've never felt more like Carrie Bradshaw writting a post in my laptop. Now I gotta go because I need to reach 6000 words today.

11 comments:

Miss Iyer said...

U're reading AND writing ??!? :| Phew! I can't do anything like that. Not when I have targets in front of me. On other occasions, I can read as many as three or four books in parallel.

As for relationships, I'm not qualified enough to comment :-/

Good luck at reaching 6000 words! :)

Vesper said...

the myth of eternal love has really messed a lot of us up. the golden ideal idea has messed a lot of us up, too. i think one can still be an idealist without being obsessed with eternal this-and-thats.

and the thing about relationships is this: if you go into one really KNOWING that it might not last very long at all....those are the relationships that usually last the longest and potentially teach you the most.

kimananda said...

I totally agree with Vesper's comments. I also disagree that passion ends. It doesn't. It does mutate, a lot, but it's still a very special kind of passion. Or at least that's what I see at this point, when I'm so far away, geographically, from my relationship.

As for the value of break-ups, I always think of my step-dad, who, when he must refer to his first wife, calls her his 'practice wife' (as opposed to my mom, who is the real one). I must have commented on this before. The point is that no relationship is a practice one when we are in it, but that afterwards, we can see what we have learned from it, and what we can take into the next 'real' relationship that we have.

StandbyMind said...

Whichever book u r reading..the author seems to be making a very impressive point...
Nice...

Niall said...

I would love to be able to respond in an eloquent and deeply serious way to this post..but the absurdity of and unfathomalble nature of Love, Passion and desire cause me to throw my hands up in the air in despair.I've been married for nearly 23 years and I still don't understand how it all works...the only thing I do know and can divulge is that it's bloody hard work!

Devil Mood said...

Miss Iyer: I need to do both at the same time, it's like reaching a balance between inputs and outputs.

Vesper: Yes, I think having this awareness is helpful, we have to make the most of what we have but take it for what it is - experience. Hopefully we'll learn and have a good time in the process.

Kim: I'm glad you're experiencing that :) Yes, you'd mentioned that expression, it's very funny but also very accurate. Obviously we're not practising but we're learning and only in the long term do we realize that.

Standbymind: It made me think, that's right.

Devil Mood said...

Niall: oops, we were syncronized there! Even though I don't have that experience, that's my idea of it - it takes a lot of work and that's an important idea to keep in mind. Not that it isn't worth it, of course!

fb said...

I recommend a trip to you call it a graduation gift.

Although sometimes i think the whole world is on Oxford Street sometimes.

Maybe its museum etiquette or just peopple are quieter at museums so when somebody does speak louder you notice more than usual, a bit like church?!

Thank you for commenting because I don't know if I'm playing to an empty auditorium or not.

Devil Mood said...

FB: lol the whole world in Oxford Street! I understand.
I don't know if I've been told to shut up in a museum before but I have the strict notion that I have to be quiet there.
I wanted to comment earlier but this weekend has been a bit busier than usual. I'm still reading even if only through Google reader.

diyadear said...

1.ur fav writer link has been killed.
2. i cudnt find the beginning of ur story :(

Devil Mood said...

Diyadear: If you want you can click on the tag for script frenzy that's on the end of my posts and that will explain the whole thing ;)