Friday, May 02, 2008

Sunday Scribblings - Family


Happy to be back scribbling after a couple of weeks of "underinspiration".

This week's prompt is family and appropriately this Sunday is Mother's Day here in Portugal (it's always on the 1st Sunday of May but every country seems to have a different rule). I could not let this pass without congratulating my friend who's just become a Mother (some of you might know her from around here, so I don't have to say who it is). She's just had a wonderful girl and I can't possibly imagine how she must be feeling like. Having a daughter always reminds me of Madonna's song Little Star. Granted Madonna isn't famous for being a great lyricist, but here she was clearly inspired after having her first daughter. I'm posting it if you want to hear it.








Everyone says we can't choose our family. Yes, we are stuck with it for the rest of our lives. But don't you believe that you are in that family for a particular reason? Don't you think that somehow you were born in the midst of all that craziness for a reason? Or perhaps you feel completely different from all the members of your family - but doesn't that happen for a reason as well?

Yes, those people really get on your nerves. You have to spend holidays with them, put up with the old annoying habits of theirs, the same old conversations, "oh, you have grown up!!", or "when are going to get married??".

Don't fool yourselves by thinking all the other families are more functional than yours. Not true! No family is absolutely functional, they're all crazy and full of imperfections and strange dynamics, just like the outside World. As I mentioned on my previous post, the things that seem brighter and with "more light" are the ones that have a bigger shadow. So when you see a family that is all pink and sparkly, you have to wonder how they solve their conflicts if they never speak a bad word to each other. Repressing conflicts (which are natural and necessary is all family dynamics) always results in further disaster so if it's possible to have it out in the open (which doesn't mean you should be washing the dirty laundry in the restaurant ;) it would be preferable. It's best to give up the idea of being part of the perfect family.

All in all, when you look at what goes on in the World, don't you feel blessed that you have that family?

25 comments:

unpretentious said...

i like that part where u say all families are crazy and imperfect. makes one feel a lot better:)but i would call a family 'imperfect' only when there is a lack of love among its members. I believe that a family is 'perfect' when there is enough craziness to keep the people away from the monotony of happiness:)

paisley said...

i do... i just wish we knew each other..... very timely post.

Vesper de Vil said...

for various reasons, the only members of my family who i'm close to are my son, my mom, and my mom's partner. my family is fragmented. my loved-ones are my family. my friends are my family. and yes, there's a perfect reason for being right here right now.

Violet said...

I'm a firm beleiver that we attracted/chose our famillies...
It brings lots of thoughts and emotions to think like this. Eventually you begin seeing why it was for the best. The faster you learn the lessons u need to, the faster u can attract something better, consciently.

I'm glad at least we get to consciently chose someone to marry, and sometimes have a bit of control on how our kids might turn out.
Famillies that comunicate at all are my idea of perfect familly.

Dr.John said...

I've always felt blessed that I had the family I had then and have now. My family was not perfect but then neither am I.

Devil Mood said...

Unpretentious: he he I guess the family perfection lies in its imperfection :) THanks for dropping by.

Paisley: Isn't it amazing how we can not know people that are/have been so close to us?

Vesper: Nowadays our family has become our loved-ones and our friends. It's not like in medieval times when you were only surrounded by relatives and didn't know anyone else? Remember? ;)

Violet: Yes, those communicative families are amazing, hehe. I was writing this post and could not take my mind off systemic psychology. God, but some people are so unlucky about the families they have. How do you tell a child: your family sucks but you're in it for a reason! ;(

Dr.John: Exactly. How can we expect families to be perfect when they're made of human beings? ;)

Lucy said...

i never thought about it that way, that there is a reason I was born into that totally dysfunctional family.. Great thoughts for me to ponder at the next reunion! haha
great post.

Granny Smith said...

One of my grown sons said that one of the biggest gifts Otto and I gave our children was to argue vociferously (maybe he said fight!) in their presence. He said it showed that couples could disagree and still love each other, and that neither had to be subservient to the other.

Go figure!

Stephanie said...

I definitely took my family for granted growing up, but at some point in my early 20's I realised how lucky I actually was. They're good people, and plus, they put up with me :)

Crafty Green Poet said...

no family is perfect - you're right there! Nice post

kimananda said...

I like the idea that no family is perfect, but that all families are uniquely crafted. I personally feel quite privileged to have the family that I have; my personality and being are different in ways that I'm happy about because of them.

keith hillman said...

I am a member of a large family of artistic eccentrics and I wouldn't want it any other way!

Tammy said...

I can see why I chose/was given my particularly odd family. ;)

I had never heard that song...sweet!

Prats said...

**But don't you believe that you are in that family for a particular reason? Don't you think that somehow you were born in the midst of all that craziness for a reason?**

Oh yes!!!! and I sure wouldn't want to chaneg the pattern .
The eccentricities are what make us a family.
And you were right in saying, that the brighter, then there is more shadow...how true.
We'll never know whats on the other's plate??
Better be content with our own.

maddie said...

you just made me all teary and
yes ~ i am blessed and utterly
grateful for my family:)

(hugs for you!)

susiej said...

The perfect balance of love, quirkiness aside, makes every family a blessing. Sometimes, that love is missing. Congrats to your friend!

gautami tripathy said...

Destiny plays a role choosing a family for us. I don't want to change anything in mine..

Great post!

kindred

Niall said...

I know you're a fan of the TV series 'My Family'..i used to watch and think how unreal it all was...but then my boys became teenagers !!Now it's like watching actors enact the story of my life sometimes.

Devil Mood said...

Lucy: Always glad to provide some food for thought. :D

Granny Smith: I completely agree with your son. In some strange way, it was very healthy that you did!

Stephanie: And we put up with them too ;) It's a nice exchange!

Crafty: Thanks for dropping by again.

Kim: It's interesting how after a while we begin to see those things so clearly (influences, traits, etc).

Keith: I'm sure you wouldn't! Exciting, huh? :)

Tammy: That's great that you can see that!

Prats: Nice to belong to the crazy clan, right? hehe

Maddie: Oh :) Sweet! I'm sure they are special because you are.

SusieJ: So true!!

Gautami: Wonderful! I think that's true.

Niall: hahaha Tragic! I really miss that man. He made my evenings so much more enjoyable :)

missalister said...

Ha! I was just over at Void’s writing about that and my Human gods Part 2 has to do with that. I rail against it lots, but ultimately I do feel it’s all for a reason. I have this weird feeling we’re all here on personal missions of sorts, to work stuff out, and our families are all part of that, acting as facilitators of our missions just as we are facilitators of their missions. As I told Void, I’ve nothing to base this on, it’s just a thing :-) And yes, yes, YES! considering everything I’m blessed and thankful and all that for the family I ended up with! ;-)

Devil Mood said...

MissAlister: I understand what you mean. I think more or less the same thing even though I'm not basing it on anything. It's a gut feeling. Is that what Jung called the collective unconscious? Things that we know> but don't know exactly how we got there...

missalister said...

Ah yes, exactly! I like Jung. He was super cool. Now he’s packed away in a box in one of the united states, not where I am of course
:-( Well, there's always the internet!

dharmabum said...

u've made me weep a tad, and feel so blessed. i don't know how it works, but everything i am, i owe my family.

have u written this before? this is not the first time this has happened, but i get the feeling of...dejavu when i am here. have i told you that before?

Devil Mood said...

Missalister: haha in one of the united states, I liked that expression. I'm embarrassed to say I never read Jung but he should definitely be in my bookshelves. Oh the shame!!

Dharmabum: Sweet! Really deja vu? I'm divided between thinking that's a bad sign (because I never write anything original) or a good one (because it resonates with something inside of you). No, never written this before, not that I know of, anyway.

dharmabum said...

aw come on - don't tell me that - ur pretty nice and original i can see that. and whats original anyways - if its thought, i think its always 'been' there someplace, til our mind connected with it.

must be the good sign, girl. *hugs*