Saturday, December 27, 2008

SS - I believe...

I believed in everything, like a child of three*

From the start I believed what my heart told me to. Pumping blood spiritedly to all the cells in my body, it didn't take no for an answer. It picked up signs and star-designed fated routes, mixed it with crazy hair and summer skin, gave it a good shake, while I stood and watched as if that wasn't really happening to me but to some foreign body I was able to assess. My heart told me it was love and naturally I believed it.

There were dimples and cheeky smiles and strong hands to be held. The Summer stretched into fresher evenings but still a lot of ideas to be discussed until sleep won over both of us, empty glasses of wine and crumpled books filled with white sand the only witnesses of our existence. 

With Autumn came the first chills of discomfort, the cold hands that didn't hold each other like they used to. There were tears and voice that weren't as soft as they used to be. But my heart didn't quaver, it is love, it said to me every time there was doubt in the air.

I wore gloves and hats, I kept my chin inside halter necks, my heart still pumped busily but the cold air didn't let me feel the same warmth. The trees were stripped of leaves just as our bond was stripped of everything but memories. Soon there was only a faint wave goodbye and my heart said, it was love. And I still believed it - why shouldn't I? 

When Spring arrives and swallows bring sounds of hope, I will still believe.

* From the classic jazz song Blame it on my youth, which was my inspiration to write this bit.


Lucy said...

just because it ends, doesn't mean it wasn't love in the beginning. this was so sad but yet it felt so hopeful too.
great writing! hope you will never stop believing in love :)

Alison May said...

We have to trust our hearts don't we? Lovely....x

Granny Smith said...

This brought tears to my eyes. Lucy is right. The waning of love doesn't mean that it wasn't real. This is beautifully written.

anthonynorth said...

What was is still memory - for always.

linda may said...

We all search for its many forms.

Anonymous said...

A beautiful yet poignant piece. Believe, just believe.

murat11 said...

Love this lovely dirge, DM, and that brazen heart. CW singing in my ear as I read it (she fits, too); I'll go find your jazz inspiration now.

Who just have to tell me / they saw you...somewhere

Devil Mood said...

Lucy: I hope so too! Thank you :)

Alison May: Yes, we do.

Granny Smith: Oh I'm thrilled that you were moved by this. Thank you!

AnthonyNorth: True :)

Linda May: Absolutely!

Keith: Thanks!

Murat: It's a tad depressing the song, but worthwhile. Thanks.

BJ Roan said...

Beautifully written, very sad. Still, I found myself enjoying your words.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

I believe your heart and mind believes what you tell them to believe but your objective memory records and recalls the truth.
Love is a subjective thing that affects your heart but you need to keep re-mind-ing yourself about it. Good luck!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Searching is sometimes better than finding ;)

brunettekoala (Learning from Sophie) said...

Almost a bittersweetness.

Love I guess is a really powerful thing, and it's not all mushy and romantic as we get tricked into believing. It is happy, adrenaline packed, but also at times painful and sacrificial.

floreta said...

yep, there is a wax and wane of love and loss, happiness and suffering :) and also what lucy said..

present said...

I like how you used the seasons to show the change in the relationship and the belief in love.

gautami tripathy said...

Love is always there no matter what.At times it just does not work out.

Read mine, you will know what I say..

guts wrenching out....

gel said...

THrough the seasons, still believing.
I enjoyed your post and especially that it was inspired by a jazz song. I love jazz music.

Shadow said...

we have to try. we have to follow our heart. we have to experience it all. lovely writing!

phish said...

d, i have always rushed in - heart before everything. believing in the eternal script. and though today i stand a little ravaged, i am sure that one day i shall find myself behaving exactly the same, again.

that's because we are looking. and at the very first signs we flutter and give ourselves away. and no matter how hard we believe that this is irrational, stupid or both, we wouldn't have it any other way.

i wish you all the love in the world. and the most unforgettable spring ever.

The Vintage Kitten said...

Beautifully written

forgetfulone said...

Beautiful. Thanks for stopping by my journal and leaving a sweet comment.

Devil Mood said...

BJ Roan: Oh that's nice :)

SweetTalkingGuy: Oh yeah, the heart/mind dissociation can be tricky.

Leatherdykeuk: Absolutely!

Learning from Sophie: Oh yes, and it gives us so much to write about in that complexity.

Floreta: Cool, I used the seasons, you mentioned the moon phases :)

Present: Thanks, I have to admit it worked nicely.

Gautami: Sadly that's true, but at least we learn from it.

GeL: Oh cool, I can see jazz in your poetry.

Shadow: Yes, we do. Thanks :)

Phish: Oh that's lovely. Thanks and same to you :)

Vintage Kitten: Thanks!

Forgetfulone: You're welcome :)

Asma Ahsan said...

Beautiful expression - Another great jazz track to go with the flow would be MY WAY by Frank Sinatra. :)

thankyou for coming over to my pages.

Annamari said...


quin browne said...

summertime... and the lovin' is easy.

this touched me, too... that lovely memory of summer love, that you believed would go on forever.

Tammie Lee said...

So lovely that believing lives on, love is a spirit that 'is' even when things change.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I haven't stopped by much. I've been a bad blogger.!!
Hope your holidays are filled with hope and fun!

Anonymous said...

this was a reflective post !! loved it so much .. it just touched my ehart ... :)

Niall said... write so well...and what is more, only someone who has known the joy and exhillaration of new love and the autumnal end of love could possibly write these things.

Devil Mood said...

Asma: Oh yes, could be now that you mention it!

Annamari: thanks

Quin Browne: hehe that song could fit in quite well too.

Tammie Lee: Oh I like that definition!

Day: Oh you too!

Pretty Me: Oh I'm so glad you liked it!

Niall: thanks ;)

floreta said...

nice i didn't realize you respond to comments here :) i just realized your age!! you seem like an old soul.. i'm finding an amazing community of people here in blogworld.. and a lot of amazing younger people (i am the same age).

Devil Mood said...

Floreta, yes, I usually reply, sometimes it takes a little while.
That was a cool way of making me feel young - thanks! :) You're right, blogland is full of wonderful people!