Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Sin, sin, sin


The moon one of these days - looks a little odd.

Sophie was talking about being sensitive and emotional with things and I remembered one of my recent sins. It's not exactly a sin but I decided to call it that because it didn't bring me much good. When I was (more of) a teenager, tears would flow basically every day: loving someone and not being loved back; depressing songs that are bad to you but that you keep listening to, masochistically, because they're so beautiful; all the injustices in the world. I used to turn off all the lights in the room and just sit there listening to music for hours and crying my eyes out. It was a ritual and it was necessary.
Eventually, I stopped that ritual. I still get emotional, maybe even more, over everything and songs are often a trigger for that emotion. But I don't feel the necessity of feeling overwhelmed with music and all that beauty and sadness every single night. Crying is not a daily event, at least crying over something personal - I cry over other people's tragedies and joys. Last week, though, I decided to put on a CD I hadn't listened to in a while, with my window open and the lights off. At first I was really enjoying it. I sang and I danced a bit too (Thank God you couldn't see me!) until it all started to remind me of things from the past. In short: after a while I was crying like I used to. It was probably positive to release some tension, to clean my eyes, etc but it wasn't nice to be reminiscing so much, over stupid things. I guess I'm still not free from the crying-bug, once in a while. It feels nice when you're emotional simply from the beauty or sadness of something - that I can take. But it's useless to go back so much right now.

5 comments:

Chloe said...

i am like that too, music especially does that to me. it's just a little emotional baggage we all carry around no matter how light we travel.

kimananda said...

But crying is such a good release. I'd do it more often if I could. I don't have those kinds of associations about music, but any sadness in a book, seemingly, but not only, when I'm reading in public places like on trains. And as an added bonus it amuses my friends. I'd say, don't go out of your way to cultivate it, but embrace the crying when it happens.

Stephanie said...

I do, and have done this sort of thing too. I think it's maybe something that evolves. We outgrow it, or at least some portion of it. There will still be tears sometimes, (and sometimes a good old wallow in misery & self-pity) and some of us are just more senstive than others. But over time, though we still feel sad and hopeless sometimes, we become more aware of our own experience and power to change things. Maybe we have a good think, rather than a good cry. (or both!)

sophie said...

Its so odd - the other day
i started crying in a theatre
and ended up crying in the theatre
off an on for about four hours
(it was a long wonderful film)

i realize is was just fullup
and needed to release the tears

Cathy said...

I think it must have been a good release for you. Sometimes I have a good cry, but rarely about anything related to my own past; usually it is a book or a movie.