Wednesday, November 15, 2006

On men and women

Klimt's Danae - my favourite painting

I read an interesting interview this weekend. Francesco Alberoni was in Portugal promoting his latest book, called Sex and Love. It is an essay in the form of a play. He is a sociologist and has been connected to studies on love and relationships for a long time. His books are very interesting - I've read about Friendship, about Falling in Love...but the one I enjoyed the most was about Envy (go figure!)...

In a moment when everyone was talking about sex (in the seventies), he decided to talk about love and falling in love. Now he's focusing on casual sex - the critics say he's good at anticipating phenomena, so I guess we'll be focusing more on sex soon...aren't we already?..I don't know. Anyway, this time he's talking about all situations where sex is separated from love. He thinks nowadays (with the revolution the Internet caused on relationships) girls are having sex without necessarily loving someone. He says they have sex and then decide whether or not they like the boys, which he considers a phenomenon that has become stable in our society, even if it's not totally new.

In this book he plays with three different languages we use to talk about sex: the common language or vulgar, the medical language and the poetic language - we use this to talk about love. Alberoni thinks people gradually abandon the vulgar language to use the poetic one when they fall in love. The sex language is fun, light, rebellious but not revolutionary, while the language of love is openness and is never fun or light even when it seems so.

Alberoni thinks jealousy exists in every living creature, even in healthy relationships. In case of betrayal, he believes one should never tell the other if they were unfaithful. This doesn't mean we should base our relationships on lies because we always have the option of being faithful - but he also thinks total honesty in a relationship will probably be the death of it (I agree hehe, some things should be kept for ourselves). He adds that in the beginning of the relationship anything can be told because the moment of enchantment will make everything easier to forgive - after this moment is gone things won't be forgiven anymore.

The bit I enjoyed the most was about how women feel attracted to powerful men, men that have something that is superior to others (either being taller, richer, more powerful, a better singer...) and he explains that if women before us had chosen the smaller men, etc...we would be extinct by now...so he means there is a biological motivation behind this. Men on the other hand are insensitive to beauty and can only see details of women (this struck me as very odd): the way they cross their legs for instance...Alberoni thinks men like innocence, sweetness in women and that is also biological. He adds that we are now in a transition period when women are having trouble finding that powerful man because nowadays many of them are inferior or equal to them, so they simply don't fit their purposes. He mentions that when men start to become richer or more successful they gain a group of female fans, so to speak, but the same doesn't happen to women because men never needed women to hunt for them or protect them. Damned Biology...

14 comments:

Cathy said...

Your post reminded me of a video clip that Chloe sent to me; now I will go and try to retrieve it, but if CHloe comes along before I am back...perhaps she can send it to you (?)

P.S...I mailed you a wee package today :)

Devil Mood said...

Oh thanks, Cathy, you're a sweetheart :) Ok, I'll be looking forward to the video!

Anonymous said...

I may have to add this guy to my book list...this sounds interesting...if I wasn't literally on my way out the door (nothing's more interesting than blogging when the alternative is going to work!), I'd comment more...in fact, I may come back. :-o

Devil Mood said...

lol Kimananda, I understand that temptation! Do come back, you're very welcome :)

sophie said...

well, i am all for poetry in love
- it works for me -
:)

fb said...

Translated into English or not? I wonder which section of a bookstore I might find these writings...

Devil Mood said...

Sophie: Of course :)

FB: Yes, it is, I think most of his books are. This one is called Sex and Love and is probably in the Sociology section, Human Sciences or such...

Scholiast said...

Completely off topic and very quickly because I'm actually working - the reading circle I wrote about is linked in the "this" (first line) - and also on the blogroll: The New Yorker Fiction Club :)

Oh, and I've also recommended you to an American bluddy who's looking for football(soccer)-interested women...

I do all this for you and you still haven't answered the meme ;)

Scholiast said...

(I haven't got your email at work, so I'll keep posting here.. The meme is here but you really don't have to unless you want to - I was just teasing you ;) Hopefully we'll be seeing you over at The New Yorker...?

Devil Mood said...

Scholiast: lol Ok, I'll be there and I'll check the meme too. :) Thanks!

DayByDay4-2Day said...

I try to tell my teens that sex isn't love. That you can love someone with out having sex.

Devil Mood said...

Day: That's good advice. I hope they listen...do they? :)

Anonymous said...

The only thing I've ever found about love and relationships it that no matter what I think I know...I always have more to learn.

And in men, I tend to like the shy, bookish ones no one else notices. Oh - maybe that's it, my "powerful" men have sexy brains!

Devil Mood said...

Stephanie: Did you find those things in your birth chart too? They gotta be there :) Of course, those men must have the sexiest brains and the best brains, I think.