Friday, August 01, 2008

SS - Do I have to?

reflections of a strange personality


How many times have I thought these exact words in my head? The constant divide between the duty and the will. Feeling the pull of the individuality on one hand and the need for the integration on the other. I think it comes from the strong Aries/Libra polarity in my chart.

I always want to do everything my way. An advice to me is an invitation to do the exact opposite. No matter how rational and wise your words are (and later I will take it into account), my first reaction will be to discard it and follow whatever idea I have in my head.

And then comes the other magnet, the pull of the pleasantries. I hate to be rude or misinterpreted as selfish and uncaring. If I have the slightest doubt that this has happened I will guiltily think about it until I can make it a little bit better. I probably won't apologize using words, so excuse me in advance.

So when duty comes, oh the drama. I have to do something. I don't really want to do it but I should. If I want to make everyone happy, I must. Then someone comes and tells me: You should. Suddenly I don't even want to anymore! And after I chew on the dilemma for a while, I decide to do it, but it's completely against my wishes. I stand up (imaginarily or not) and prepare to do it...but do I have to?



More on Sunday Scribblings.

23 comments:

chrispito said...

my GOD i hate having to do things!!! I, too, have the Aries/Libra polarity. Although I'm not anywhere as bad as I used to be, I do suffer the blues from time to time...when I'm down, even the most menial tasks feel like torture.
Except eating cheese. LOL!

Devil Mood said...

Chrispito: OH cheese! We must be soul mates, cheese is completely effortless to me too lol
I completely understand!

murat11 said...

Hilarious! What a polarity; no wonder Aries/Scorpio are cousins with their shared Mars ruler.

Of course you know what an outrage it was for Scorps to have our ruler declared less than fit.

My response to the "Do I have to" was, predictably, to snub it. You're much more eloquent when it comes to such topics that require an ability to organize thoughts beyond the mere scorpionically self-referential. That's your Sag teacher in action.

Best to you, DM.

Lucy said...

haha I hear you!
I always have that 'i must make everyone happy' attitude! however, I like your rebellious side!
I need to grow a back bone! great post for the prompt.

Tanya Gwen Minnick said...

Love it! I'm a strong Gemini and have two very different personalities at times, which means the same kinda "pull" when it comes to doing things.
I dislike being told I have to do something, anything! suggest it gently, than maybe I will do it- but otherwise I fight the whole way, even if the thing to do is good for me.
cool post

Stephanie said...

This sounds exactly like me too :) Even if I really, really want to do something, telling me that I have to takes all the joy out of it.

Michelle said...

It's so true, the more I feel obligated to do something, the less inclined I am to actually want to do it!

Granny Smith said...

I have a hard time relating to astrology, probably because I'm a Virgo, meaning that I should be neat and orderly when in reality I am as disorganized as one can get. If you could only look at my house, my desk, or into my computer! However, I do share your dichotomy of "should"s and "don't wanna"s. Especially when it comes to writing thank-you-notes. I don't wish to hurt anyone's feeling, but "Do I have to write it today?"

anthonynorth said...

I think a problem here is balancing individual wants with social obligations. No one can get their own way totally, or there'd just be chaos and anarchy.

Niall said...

!....So , if I'm right, I should advise you to neglect your writing,forget your Astroskies,disregard your ETSY site..and kill all your friends!...because you'll never amount to anything!

Shadow said...

how eerily familiar that sounds... nice writing.

p.s. i got your photo in the mail on friday. it's more beautiful in 'reallife'. thank you so very much!!!!

Devil Mood said...

Murat: You took the 'do I have to?' to another level! Scorpios all over the world will survive, as they always do; besides Pluto is still as powerful as ever in the astrology world :)
I am most flattered by your compliments but you must beware because I'm sure you know Sagittarius can get egos the size of houses!

Lucy: Oh no, I think you must have the best back-bone of all if you're trying to make everyone happy. It takes a lot of guts to attempt that!

Tanya: thanks. You have a mind of your own, right? Or should I say two minds? ;)

Stephanie: Maybe it happens to everyone. Who wants to be a robot these days anyway?

Michelle: We are curious beings...thanks for dropping by.

Granny Smith: Oh that's just mainstream astrology talking, not all Virgos are neat and organized. But they are attentive :) even if they don't write thank-you-notes on time...

AnthonyNorth: Oh yes. Why, oh why? ;)

Niall: Thanks for that, I appreciate it!

Shadow: Oh I'm very glad! I hope it got there in good condition, I was a little worried about the envelope :)

San said...

Hi. I came over at Paschal's recommendation. I have some Virgo/Leo tugggings of war happening in my chart AND in my life. I'm a Virgo married to a Leo. And in business with the same Leo. And my moon, Venus, Mars, and Pluto are in Leo. "Do they have to be?" I asked the astrologer.

danni said...

these will i/won't i chats that me, myself, and i have are getting easier than they were a few years back when i hyper-extended myself inside out to be a people pleaser - i find that the older i get, the more selfish i allow me to be, and i think i like it!!!

tumblewords said...

I, too, dislike being told what to do - but oftentimes find myself yearning for some guidance even while I know that I wouldn't accept it. Grin. Nice post.

Ps said...

Oh my God!! You have described me!!!
I am so surprised!!

Devil Mood said...

San: lol that's funny! That's a lot of Leo you got there. Thank you for visiting!

Danni: It's not politically correct but I think that's wise! ;) don't tell anyone.

Tumblewords: Ohhh I understand! And relate.

PS: You don't say? I'm suspicious that everyone is the same...

fb said...

There are things that I know I have (various computer software packages) to do but that makes it harder to do them.

Devil Mood said...

FB: I can think of worse things to do than software packages ;)

Rositta said...

I don't share your sun sign but I can relate somewhat,yes sometimes we just have to do it, whether we want to or not...ciao

Devil Mood said...

Hi Rositta, I'm coming to the conclusion that it affects most of us.

Chloe said...

i know!
i only want to do things when i think they are hobbies chosen by ME to kill time. when someone starts paying me i don't want to do it anymore.

Devil Mood said...

Chloe: Well, sometimes they don't even pay us and we don't have that little encouragement even ;)
But I know what you mean!