Thursday, April 19, 2007

And if I die today I'll be the HAPPY Phantom
And I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard
And I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on
And I will never need umbrellas in the rain
I'll wake up in strawberry fields every day
And the atrocities of school I can forgive
The HAPPY phantom has no right to bitch

Oo-ho the time is getting closer
Oo-ho time to be a ghost
Oo-ho every day we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will I pay for who I've been?
(Tori Amos - the Happy Phantom)

The atrocities of school, the atrocities of classmates, the atrocities of nuns, the atrocities of family members...the secrets, the envy, the double-bind sentences, the learnt guilt...the heavy scars of a lost happiness, the experiences that mark us forever and will always be a part of who we are.
Today I cry for it all because it never goes away and with time you get to see it all in a new light.
*the image is a reference to the double-bind communication, it's a paradox. And it's also my hommage to a family therapist and psychologist Paul Watzlawick, who died last month - he used to say that it's impossible not to communicate in everything you do and don't (do).
**I'm just sad, nothing to worry about.


Maddie said...

well that sucks sweetie -

hugs :( i am thinking of you....


Miss Iyer said...

Aww! Lots and lotsa hugs to ya, if it makes you feel any better :)

cat said...

És insondável... ;P
Essas coisas fazem parte de ti, mas já passaram. Tens muitas coisas boas agora... há q cultivá-las (e eu até acho q o estás a fazer).

:) eu gosto de ti

Devil Mood said...

Maddie: Thanks, I'm fine now :) It was one of my devil moods...

Miss Iyer: They do, thanks for the hugs, dear!

Cat: Beijinhos! lol Insondável, de facto, mas não é de propósito.

Ps said...

This is what is called "damned if you do--and damned if you don't".(excuse the language)
Double bind was really interesting.
"learnt guilt", "heavy scars of a lost happiness"..Perhaps guilt erased can turn scars into stars?

fb said...

Completely oof topic but they entertained me for a bit:

holy chaos said...

i like what ps said "Perhaps guilt erased can turn scars into stars?"

i also like "he who has been forgiven much, loves much" this is from somewhere in the New Testament (not sure where.. I believe Jesus spoke these words)

kimananda said...

After being in the states, and seeing such coverage of the Virginia Tech murders, this is really resonating with that for me. It's not a wonder that the theory was originally for analyzing schizophrenic communication....

Novel Nymph said...


I am sad today too...but I sing Happy Phantom often in the shower, so you made me smile...


StandbyMind said...

nice pics..that basketball courts cool..and the last oone is indeed teh Winner!!!!!!

Devil Mood said...

PS: Wow, that was completely poetic and full of hope :) thank you!

FB: Will check them out soon. thanks in advance, even though I don't know what they are.

Holychaos: Thanks for that quote and what PS said was fabulous. We should carry around a book of quotes on difficult times :)

Kimananda: You're right! I've been thinking a lot about double-bind and also related it with those terrible shootings...These hidden messages are everywhere and we don't know the extent of their effects.

Novel: Good! It is a happy song because she's deciding to put the past behind her, even though she seems a little frightened of the final jugdement. But she'll be a happy phantom and that's good. Or maybe she's not happy at all...I'm unsure now lol

Standbymind: Thank you! I'm happy you liked them and appreciate your visit :)