Monday, April 07, 2008

Don't bee ridiculous!

This weekend I was in my balcony combing my hair after washing it. It was about 27 C so the hair was almost dry after a couple of minutes. I was enjoying the particular smell of hair when it's dried by the sun when I felt a tap on my knee. I looked and it was a bee. The tap sounded funny so I wondered if the bee had stung me, but then I realized I felt no pain, so...probably not.

I breathed in and out a couple of times, tried to shake my leg a little but the bee wouldn't move. To be more exact, the bee moved, it was moving the little paws and wings in a very frantic way that scared me. Something about my trousers was particularly exciting.

I shook my leg again but nothing. I started panicking. I don't like bees, my friends. In fact, I fear them. I run away from wasps like a 100m runner. I tapped on the window trying to get my mother to pay attention. I got up, trying not to move my leg - you can imagine I looked like a crippled woman. My mother started opening the shades slowly. But then the bee started crawling over my leg, very fast, it was in the middle of my thigh, crawling, crawling up....My mother looked at me. I gestured hysterically to my leg. "What's the matter with you?" "I have a bee!! It's in my leg! It's crawling up! HAA!"

My mother raised her foot to try to get the bee out. I screamed: "No, don't do that!! It will sting me! HA!!! Help me!"

She suggested I approached some flowers we had in pots so that the bee may fly to them. But it didn't work. The bee was already on my hip, dangerously nearby the end of the trousers and my actual flesh. My mother then grabbed a towel while I yelped in terror and the bee got into the towel and then disappeared while I ran inside the house in relief.

Women. The ones that go through child birth, period cramps, all kinds of needles and pains. But no bees.


kimananda said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean! I'm terrified of the little yellow creatures. Once, I had a bee stuck in my bathroom, clearly a very ill bee, not flying around very much. Anyway, I couldn't bring myself to use my bathroom at all while the bee was in there.

Luckily, I had dinner guests over on the same night as I found the bee, or it would have gotten really annoying not effectively lose the ability to shower or use the toilet in my own apartment! I recall that 1) my guests thought I was a total wimp (and they were, of course, right), and 2) the bee was in such bad shape that one of my guests gave it some water before letting it out of the building.

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Oh, you poor thing. Phobias like that can be so debilitating !! You really wouldn't have liked where we didn't end up camping the other week, as when we started unpacking the car, we were suddenly surrounded by bees ... we quickly repacked the car and high-tailed it out of there !!
Hope you are well, and bee-less !!
Take care, friend ... Meow xx

missalister said...

Devil Mood, you are a blog posting MACHINE! I like it/don't like it. Your posts always lift my spirits/I can't keep up with you! ;-) I can't identify with you regarding the bee thing (now a snake or a frog would have the ungluing effect on me that a bee has on you) but I can identify 100% with morphing into the person you're with while you’re with them (your SS#105 post). I’m a purebred chameleon. And all this time I thought that was a Pisces thing! Oh, and I’m so happy for you about Porto!!!!!!! My Mavericks are not so hot this year >:-(

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh I LOVE this post!!!! Incidentally I love bees, as well. In fact my friend just finished a course making him an 'official beekeeper' (he'll hate me for not remembering the correct term).

I am his first volunteer for therapy--which means he will purposely begin stinging me with some of his bees as soon as I'm done school and then monitoring me. Are you freaked out yet??

Devil Mood said...

Kim: Poor bee. I don't wish them harm but I'd like to keep them asfar away as possible. Something incredible happened to me last year. I woke up with a buzzing sound and realized there was a wasp in my bedroom. It probably came from under the door because the window was closed or WORSE(!) was already there during the night. I may have slept with a wasp in my room all night.

Meow: OH that sounds like a nightmare! One is enough for me, a lot of bees ..yikes. Hope you're doing well too.

MissAlister: I have this blogging crave, even though my posts are getting less and less interesting. lol Fortunately you don't get to see snakes and frogs as often as bees, right? :)
Oh Pisces are chameleons, they absorb their surroundings so you have that comparison right!
Sorry about the Mavericks but there's always next year, right?

Chrispito: Why is he stinging you? I saw a documentary once where they used bees to help with pain. Their "poison" was very effective. Obviously they died afterwards so it made me a little sad too.
But I wouldn't be a good volunteer I'm afraid. ;)

Miladysa said...

Poor you!

Wasps - now they sting for fun - and scare me silly with their buzzing ;[

Ps said...

heh heh heh DM, Sorry--couldnt help laughing.This is EXACTLY what my daughter does --and not just for bees but for ANY creepy crawly!

Devil Mood said...

Miladysa: Yes, wasps are meaner. And more terrifying lol

PS: You are supposed to laugh! THis is a laughable matter :) I laugh at myself too.

Christopher said...

Bees are cheeky little buggers, aren't they?

I'm scared of spiders and play doh. Lets hope I'm never in a situation where I have to face the two.

Niall said...

Hillarious!..'exciting trousers'?...Reminds me of the joke: A man goes into a pet shop and asks "I'd like to buy a wasp!"...The pet shop owner says " We don't sell wasps"...The man looks puzzled and says " But you've got one in the window!".

My friend once came to me and said they'd been stung by a bee and asked what should they do?..I said " put some ointment on it"..They went on to tell me not to be so stupid as it would be miles away by now!

Dr.John said...

I am as afraid of bees as you are and Im a man. I had a parishoner die from a bee sting at a family picnic. Ever since I have been afraid of the little things. Even your story was kind of scarey.

Anonymous said...

See Please Here

Devil Mood said...

Dr John: Oh that's really scary. You never know if you're allergic or not until you get stung. The story was supposed to be funny but now it sounds like a horror tail.

Niall: Is that two jokes or one joke + real story? It works as 2 jokes :)

Chris: I'm not to keen on spiders neither. I don't mind the play doh because it usually doesn't move. ;)

Vesper de Vil said...

bees don't scare me, they make me angry!

i don't like tiny creepy bugs, like Silver Fish. they give me the heebie jeebies. i don't like maggots either. and i don't like tapeworms.

uck, now you've got me started! :)

Devil Mood said...

LOL Vesper!
I know. Insects aren't my kind of animals. Except ladybugs and I don't mind ants, as long as they're not all over the place.

Crafty Green Poet said...

I like bees from a distance, I like their fluffiness and their little bees knees of yellow pollen and their soothing buzzing. But yes keep them away from my knees!

Devil Mood said...

Crafty, they are kind of sweet now that you mention it. And they make sweet honey...if only there was no chance they could sting us ;)

Miss Iyer said...

Phew! That was a scary story DevilM. Seriously, by the end of that lil post, I had my fingers in my mouth and bitin 'em nails like crazyyyy! :-/ Thank God you're fine.

I hate all scary winged creatures too. Phew!!! :|

Devil Mood said...

LOL MissIyer, thanks for your concern. ;)