Friday, October 17, 2008

ss - my style

She sits on the floor with her legs bent and surrounded by books, piles of books. Her hair falls cascading on her face as she stares at a notebook with a frown. She sighs in frustration and tries to put the hair back under control. She grabs a pencil and scribbles furiously on the notebook. Hesitating again she plays with a thread of hair only seemingly calmer. She writes again and in her right hand lies the only definition of the scene. Everything else about her is blurry, aggitated and uncertain. There is a breeze that animates the whole of her presence, even though she's inside those four walls. Her pencil defines a drawing, in itself a fuzzy construction.

She lifts her head from the notebook hearing footsteps approaching the room. She sees him arriving and removing his coat and smiles, a half-smile, unsteady and nervous as though she's only learned how to do it the previous day. He walks closer to her and peers into the notebook discreetly. He kneels down and sits by her side in slow, lazy movements. She looks into her notebook thoughtfully. He leans to kiss her in the cheek and she can't help recoiling as his nose is frozen cold.

'Is it snowing?' she asks, trying to look through the window even though she can't see anything sitting on the floor.
'Not yet.' he says and shifts looking uncomfortable with the length of his legs. 'How's it going?'
They both look at her notebook solemnly and she shrugs.
'Not very well.'
'Have you tried sitting on a chair, in front of the table, facing the window...?'
She sighs frustratedly.
'No. You know that I can only create when I'm sitting in the floor.'

He is silent, he's heard that many times before but he still doesn't seem very convinced. He shifts again and ends up stretching back to lie down on the floor.
'How about lying down?' he asks, half-heartedly.
'That's not even funny...' she mumbles, letting the pencil fall off her hand to hit the floor. She exhales deeply and stretches her back making them snap. She looks back at him.
'No.' he shakes his head smiling.
'So what are you doing there? Get up.'
He lifts his head to rest it on his hand.
'If only you wrote sitting down on the sofa...' he laments. She smiles shyly back at him, finally perceiving the strong sense of companionship that guides him.
'Not my style...too soft.' she replied. He smiles back and nods knowingly.
'Your creating process should be hard and painful.'

She shoots him an ironic look but he keeps smiling. Suddenly she can't stay still and she turns towards him, letting herself recline next to him. She lifts her hand and her fingers trace the definition of his jaw, resting finally on his cold cheek. His own hand travels to her waist and as his fingers play with the layers of her clothing she knows his hands are ice cold too and yet they fill her with an immense warmth.

(my style of writing. No matter how hard I try, I always come up with something in these lines, though not necessarily as cheesy)
Fortunately there are more styles on Sunday Scribblings.


Niall said...

Hey you! should let the reader decide weather it's cheesy or not!..And it's not!!..this is what never fails to excite me.The ability to take the reader..for a moment..and totaly transport them to another place...another person's point of view...and if I may say so...make them feel the thoughts of the subject. What a wonderful decription about the coldness of his hands and the warmth it made her feel...that was really beautiful!

Devil Mood said...

Hey Niall, thanks :) I knew a romantic like you would appreciate it! As usual I had no idea where I was going but it landed there.

anthonynorth said...

Certainly not cheesy. You describe a scene excellently.

keithsramblings said...

If this is cheesy bring it on! It's great.A lovely story that really involves the reader.

Fledgling Poet said...

You drew me in immediately...the story was very clear. I wanted to know more!

murat11 said...

DM: I like this:

"She writes again and in her right hand lies the only definition of the scene. Everything else about her is blurry, agitated and uncertain. There is a breeze that animates the whole of her presence, even though she's inside those four walls."

I like both the absorption and animation of her/your process.

About those cold hands and the layers of clothing: I can't help thinking they are in search of a warm belly. What a lovely tug of war that will be.

Devil Mood said...

Anthony: Oh thank you! I appreciate it.

Keith: Thanks. I love cheese myself. lol

Fledgling Poet: I'm very glad to know that, thank you.

Murat: I'm glad you liked that part because that's extremely experimental of me. I was crossing my line there and I wasn't sure of where I was landing at all. But I think that's the heart of the story too. :)
"a lovely tug of war" - wonderful!

Shadow said...

hey! that's some style. i like it. lots! i wish i could do that...

Tammie Lee said...

That was such a wonderful read, I was drawn right in. The mood was rich and interesting and I was curious about what was going on. Thank you.

surrealmuse said...

Lol...lovely post on your style when it comes to creating. I can totally relate. Thankfully, I've got a very supportive and encouraging husband that sometimes understands my creative cycles better than myself!

Tammy said...

Cheesy? Nope, I like your style. :)

mgirl said...

I was drawn in immediately by your style of writing. This was not even close to being cheesy, it was simply beautiful. The images your words evoked made me feel as if I was part of the scene.

paisley said...

nothing cheesy about your flavor of romance...

Devil Mood said...

Shadow: Oh you write wonderful things every day! That's impressive!

Tammie Lee: Thank you! Really nice to know that.

Surrealmuse: That's very important! Creators are often in their own world and people around them must understand that :)

Tammy: Thank you!

MGirl: Oh that's wonderful :) Thanks!

Paisley: Interesting! I'll remember that in case I need to use it some time!

missalister said...

Cheesy? Either I’m losing it or you’re too hard on yourself ;-) This piece is one of your best so far, I think. You described the two characters with detailed actions and with their dialogue so that a clear picture of them and the whole scene could rush into my head and combine with my own library of ideas and visions. I didn’t have to do a shred of mental work. It was so enjoyable!

chrispito said...

Roar! And your scarf in the photo looks beautiful...

b said...

Don't change a thing...your style is wonderful.


danni said...

pockets of shifting energy!!! - tender and warm!!! - not a hint of cheeze --- pure enjoyment!!!

Devil Mood said...

MissAlister: "I didn't have to do a shred of mental work" - I0m divided between thinking that's really good (because I enjoy when that happens to me) and thinking it's a sign of chick-lit ;)

Chrispito: hehe thanks, it's very soft too.

B: Oh thanks :)

Danni: Oh thank you so much. I love your enthusiasm!

Gamol Gabere said...

Great stuff...I was sitting right there, only I was invisible so you couldn't see me.

B. Roan said...

No cheese here, just a good read. BJ

Devil Mood said...

Gamol: Oh thanks. Are you a spy?

B. Roan - thank you.